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- not everybody waves, but everybody waves back
not everybody waves, but everybody waves back
how to be more extroverted
Brian Garland
November 30, 2023
Welcome to The Introverted Path!
Happy Thursday! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday.
I ate entirely too much, but I think that’s the point. Right?
I listened to a podcast recently that I thought was super interesting. I wanted to discuss some of my takeaways from it.
If you’re interested in listening yourself, you can find it linked below.
In today’s email:
Can introverts be more extroverted?
Lessons to apply to our own lives
Links to other content I enjoyed this week
Let’s dive in 🤙
Can introverts be more extroverted?
I listened to a podcast titled “The introvert’s guide to extroversion”.
The guest was Jessica Pan, an author who wrote a book called ‘Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come’.
Side note — what a phenomenal book title.
The premise of the book is that Jessica identifies as a hardcore introvert.
She talked about how for her 22nd birthday her friends and family threw a surprise party for her. 50 friends packed into her apartment.
When she opened the door, she immediately started crying because it was her worst nightmare.
She also talked about being moved by a friend who got up to speak at her own wedding and wondered why she hadn’t made a similar speech at her wedding.
What she realized was that she avoided giving a speech out of fear.
So Jessica decided she would try to overcome those fears.
She had recently moved to London and decided to spend an entire year living as an extrovert.
This included doing stand up comedy and other activities she normally would never do.
One of the funnier examples was she approached random strangers on the tube and asked “Is there a Queen of England? And if so, what is her name?"
Voluntary public embarrassment. I respect it.
The podcast also included research done on the topic.
In summary, the key to happiness can be boiled down to connection with others.
Probably not groundbreaking for anyone reading this, but as introverts we know it can be harder to step outside our comfort zones and make those social connections.
Lessons we can take
One of the topics discussed was a term I had never heard before, called volitional personality change.
There has been recent studies that show through deliberate action, we can actually change parts of our personalities, at least in the short term.
And through her year of living as an extrovert, Jessica began to change the way she approached activities she used to be afraid of.
There is a researcher at the University of Chicago named Nicholas Epley.
He specializes in behavioral science and commonly encourages people to engage in activities to push them outside of their comfort zone.
(Side note: he came up with the idea for Jessica to ask strangers on the tube in London if there is a Queen of England.)
He had this quote I loved that was “not everybody waves, but everybody waves back.”
His point is that we always assume other people also don’t want to make conversation. If you are sitting next to someone who is also not talking, we don’t make an attempt to say anything, assuming they also don’t want to talk.
But research has shown that most people do feel happier after talking with other strangers, even if it is just a small conversation.
My thoughts 💭
This definitely got me thinking about how I could apply this to my own life.
I am guilty of going to coffee shops, taking flights, or being in public places in general and not talking to anyone.
I’m going to make an effort to spark up conversations when I normally wouldn’t have.
Especially in places like the coffee shop near my house I frequently visit.
Obviously, there is a time and place to do that, so we will need to use our best judgment on when it is appropriate.
My question to you: what is a small action you can take to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to be more social?
Links that I enjoyed this week 💥
That’s it for today - hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter!
Best,
BG